Going Back to the Basic...

I'm loving the new Styl-plus song cos u just have to let go and live ur life. Enjoy...

Dear Future Husband!

Dear Future Husband,
Please take a good look at the picture below, zoom it if neccessary, particularly the bottom part. As u r strategizing on how to meet me, please make sure that you have all that is in the picture (particularly the bottom) before you approach me. Get nine packs if possible, as i try my best to get one pack.

Yours Sincerely,
Bela.

Where is my Heart

Where is my heart? I ask! 

I don’t know where it is because I can’t seem to find it. 
I knows it’s somewhere around because I’m still alive – or think I am. 
It is in so much pain and anguish right now that it has broken off communication 
with every one – including me. 
Silly? Yes, silly! 

But I need to find my heart though. 
I thought it was used to this by now. 
I mean, we’ve been through this road together so many times we should be able 
to navigate through it blindfolded. Or so I thought. 
I thought we’ve been through so many heartaches and heartbreaks over the years 
that we’ve become pretty adroit at masquerading the pain 
and hurt and making them appear inconsequential. 

So what is different this time around? 

This time, my heart fell hard and fell way too fast. 
It usually takes pride in liking, not loving, someone. 
It would go months into a relationship without falling in love. 
But I met him and within minutes I knew it 
I knew that it was different this time. 
I knew that the game was about to be turned on its head. 

I fell for a remarkable man! 
I fell for the most amazing man. 
I fell for the brightest star in the galaxy. 
He was reminiscent of the most magnificent prince charming 
He was all I dreamt about and all I craved. 
He was love personified. 
He was special. 

Now I feel lost. 
I feel bereft, and incapable, of feelings right now 
because like Sade sang, “Somebody already broke my heart.” 
More like somebody already stole my heart this time – because I just can’t find it anywhere. 

This is my catharsis, so please indulge me. 

I normally wouldn’t discuss the affairs of my heart – not this publicly, anyway. 
But the pain is so wrenching and the hurt so deep that I had to do this – this one time. 
I usually would just drown my pain in music 
and listen repeatedly to Sade’s “King of Sorrow” 
Or Celine Dion’s “Goodbye’s (The Saddest Word)” all night long. 
But since this is such an uncharted terrain for me 
as I’ve never felt any loss this profound before now 
I soliloquize at the efficacy of using music to heal my pain this time. 
Time, they say, is the great healer. 
Time, sad songs, with a lot of fortitude. 

He was the most fun I’ve ever had. 
He made me laugh so hard I’d tear up. 
Then He’d make me so sad I’d wanna cry. 
He was my purest joy and my unadulterated pain. 
I was his laughter and his tears. 
How could someone so sweet be so tragic at the same time? 

We shared a common passion – a profound love for music 
and for things cerebral. 
We would listen to music all night, together, anywhere we could find it 
on the radio, in the car, on the phone, and live. 
He had an amazing sense of humor that I marveled at. 
Laughter was never at a premium whenever we were together. 
We spent more time laughing at our silliness than anything else. 
He made me feel like a kid in the chocolate factory 
like an overworked worker on the last day of work before embarking on an exotic vacation 
like a man patiently and excitedly awaiting the birth of his first child. 

He was an exceptional man! 
He wasn’t the most handsome of men. 
But still I loved him 
because He was THE most handsome man he’d ever met! 

I was the music of his heart and the soundtrack of his life. 
I was the beat he couldn’t stop dancing to 
the melody he couldn’t stop nodding to 
the hook he couldn’t get out of his head 
the lyrics he felt so deeply he could touch and embrace. 
I was the song he couldn’t and wouldn’t stop singing to. 

He vowed that if he ever found me 
that he’d do everything possible to never let me go. 
Found me, he did, but, characteristically 
He couldn’t make me stay. 
What did he do wrong this time? 
Didn’t he try hard enough? 
Or did he try too hard it was suffocating for me? 
Maybe he didn’t convince me well enough that he was different – that he wasn’t a player. 
Perhaps, love just didn’t love me. 

Please don’t ask me who He is because I would never tell. 
He is my pain now and I’d like for him to remain that way – my own pain. 
Don’t start a conversation about him the next time you run into me 
because I would neither confirm nor deny or even acknowledge your suppositions. 
His identity would forever remain a mystery. 
If you think you know him then perhaps you do. 
BUT WHAT WE THINK WE KNOW AND WHAT WE ACTUALLY KNOW 
OFTEN TIMES ARE MILES APART. 

One thing I need you to help me with though 
in this moment of deep despair and excruciating anguish 
whom should I go with – Celine Dion or Sade? 

He was my heart 
but now he is gone! 
Now I’m vacuous and bereft of happiness. 
I will never feel the same way again. 
I’ve been tortured, traumatized, and tormented. 
But I’ll live 
and I’ll smile again. 

He was my heart. 
But now that He is gone 
what does that make me? 

Heartless?! 

Out with the Old & In with the New

Hello People, ok I've been reminiscing on my past with two of my most controversial post which i actually wrote back in 2009 #FacebookNote and what's so interesting about it is that people always find a way of making it about them when it just happen to be some crazy thought. 
Anywayz, i'm done with the past now and the focus is on the present which means less talk of the negative but more on the positive. Do take this journey with moi and trust me, you won't regret it cos inasmuch as I like happy love stories, i enjoy baking more. So stay tuned for my delicious desserts made easy....

NB: do leave a comment when you read my post ;-).

Love and Friendship

I love reading relationship stories that blossoms from friendship to love and then to marriage, but in cases where the love doesn't really work out, is it easier to go back being friends? I've heard cases of people arguing it out that being friends doesn't mean anything since you've come to terms with your feelings for the other party. But can one sincerely be over a relationship without still feeling hurt by what could have been?
Well, in my opinion, asking to be friends hurts more than the end of the relationship itself. It's like giving someone a dress and taking out the buttons/zipper....What do you think?

Lets Talk About Love...

I’ve spent days pondering on this simple but intriguing question…
Because they say, the greatest thing u can ever learn is to LOVE and be LOVED in return…
So what is this thing called LOVE and how would u know that u r in Love?…

Love they say is the feeling u feel u r feeling when u feel the feeling u v never felt b4…
Love is a many splendored things…
Love lift us up were we belong…
Love is like oxygen…
Love is all we need…
Love is a game…
Love makes us act like we are fools…
Love, love, love… everywhere u go, u hear the word that seem to build and destroy at the same time.

Today, the word doesn’t seem to have meaning anymore.
‘I love u’, its either people say it too much or they say it without meaning it…
I’ve come to realize that Love is a one way street going from u out…
You give it because it feels good to give it
And when u give it, u feel strong…

Usually, the crazy, vulnerable, out of control scary feeling that most people think is love, is not really love at all. It’s just a need to be loved…
Real love is not ‘I love u’ and hoping the person would say ‘I love u too’, it’s just I LOVE U….
It’s like giving someone a gift at Christmas, if u get something back that’s a bonus but u shouldn’t need to receive it because the true strength is in the giving of it…

That’s why LOVE is God because He keeps giving us even though we actually don’t deserve it...

• 
  

Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel...

The end is drawing near and like everything else in my life, I’m wondering if I’m prepared for it.
What next then? This question seems to plague me every day and I can’t seem to find an answer to this question.
The tears and silence is a constant reminder of what could have been.
My life is still a puzzle that I can’t seem to put together.

What do I really really want, you ask.
I wish i knew...
Friends can’t even feel the void anymore.
The roof top seems to bring me peace and comfort now but what next?
I look to my maker for strength but all I get is silence.


My pillow wonders why it only gets wet at night and the wall wishes it could talk back.
Pain is my heart’s constant companion.I've lost my heart and though it hurts like hell, I really don’t want it back.

I've built this wall around my heart that its difficult to love someone wholeheartedly.

I'm scared of being in love or be loved back ‘cos it means weakness.
I go through life like I’m not supposed to exist.


Who am I now?
I wish i knew...
There is so much going on inside ‘cos there is no one to really talk to that would understand.
Wish I could travel somewhere far. 
Somewhere along the beach with trees and calmness of the sea.


Soon it’ll be over, but the anticipation is suffocating.
I want to cry for help but I know that my help can only come from above.
I need strength…
I wish for a life that is not too complicated.

Appreciating Nigerian Delicacies

Hmmmm....whenever, I remember my mum's egusi soup or banga soup, I just salivate. Just for the fact that it is made fresh from the garden and not from over-processed farm produce. I love having to clean the vegetables (lies) and pound the banga (lies), or simply wait for the food to get ready (lies, it takes forever)...lolz...I just want to eat the food :-).