Dear Belarich,
About eight months ago I met a very handsome man. Almost immediately we began spending every day together, including spending the night with each other. However, I noticed that he would slowly bring his things over to my house (such as bags of clothes, toothbrush, computer, BATH TOWELS).
After two weeks of dating he asked me where I thought the relationship was going. I answered that I thought we might be able to be a couple in the near future and he told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship because he lost his job, doesn't have a place to stay, and is focused on trying to get back on his own two feet so that he could take care of his daughter. He also told me that he just came out of a terrible relationship (she cheated on him and he ended up getting a restraining order against her) and that he isn't in the position to fully give his heart to a woman right now. I understood that and allowed him to move in with me. continue
Since then we have gotten really close, he’s busy starting a business and I am busy pursuing my law career. He never asks me for money and he contributes to rent, utilities, and groceries. He’s always with me on the weekends, he rarely goes out, and I've snooped through his phone and he doesn't seem to be communicating with any other women.
The problem is, every now and then we get into these heated arguments because I am tired of just being a friend to him. After eight months of spending every day together, having sex, and getting to know each other on a deeper level, I feel that I am head over heels in love with him and ready for a relationship.
Every time I bring up the conversation he says that he can only be a close friend to me right now and that he can see us being together in the future. He always mentions that he isn't seeing any other women and that he feels that having a relationship will distract him from doing the things he needs to do in life right now which is to save money and work to make his business a success.
He has introduced me to his family and I have met his daughter, but he introduces me as a “friend.” He never takes me out because he doesn't have the funds, but he has done other things like cook me fancy dinners. I’m in love with him and I am willing to wait but I’m apprehensive that when he finally gets on his feet he will move on from me and all of the time we spent together will be a waste. My friends keep telling me he is using me because he doesn't want a relationship but he keeps telling me that he wants to be financially stable before he thinks about being in a relationship. I need your help. IS HE USING ME? – Totally Confused
Dear Ms. Totally Confused,
Now, let me get this straight – You let a man move into your house whom you’d only known for a short period of time, he doesn't have a job, he’s not emotionally or mentally capable of giving you what you need, and he’s told you that he doesn't want to be in a relationship, and although you've met his family he only introduces you as his “friend,” and you want to know if he is using you? (* - *) Blank stare at you! What the hell do you think? Please, please, please for the love of God could you for once in your in life use the good sense God gave you and stop being so freaking naïve and gullible. Keep it stepping...
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