Dear Belarich,
For as long as I’ve been dating, I’ve always seemed to attract men in relationships. Some say it’s the wall I have built up that initially lets guys know that I don’t want anything more than the physical. I have had a pretty rough past with men and I am holding my emotions and everything else back from keeping me from dating and letting loose. Men always assume that I am the girl that doesn’t want commitment and I want nothing but sex. Not true.
I’ve been off & on with a man that’s in the industry. And, of course it just so happens that he is engaged to his long-time girlfriend of many years. They live together, and I know that she is “wifey” and I have been on the side. I never ask for money, never ask for him to take me out, hell, I don’t want nothing from him. Nothing, but his love and time. Which is given to me 45% of the time.
Whenever he asks for something, I give in. I open up with him. He makes me feel a certain way I’ve never felt. He gives me butterflies. We spend hours talking on the phone and I spend time with him when I can at his studio that he practically lives in. I have grown to love him and it kills me whenever I see her and him out at a function together. I pretend like I don’t even know him and vice-versa. It hurts. We have amazing chemistry and I love being around him. We have not slept together. We’ve shared intimate kisses which to me is actually worse than intercourse.
My girlfriends hate that I’ve kept him around for over a year. His friends love me and don’t even care or say anything is wrong. It’s hard for me to look or be interested in other guys when all I want is him. It’s like I have a little bit of hope. Maybe he’ll leave her for me? I can’t let go. I know I’m foolish but when I love, I love for real. As cliché as that sounds. Should I let go of what we have because of his fiancé? Please Help!
Dear Ms Confused.com,
Sigh! Looks up to the heavens and screams, “Why dear Lawd, why?”
I don’t understand you side pieces and jump-offs who know the situation going in, but once you catch feelings then all of sudden you want to be the main chick. YOU WILL NEVER BE THE MAIN CHICK. NEVER! EVER! But, why would you even allow yourself to be a side piece or jump-off. What is the gain in that? How do you benefit? He buys you a bag, some shoes, gives you some money, makes you feel special for a few hours and you’re willing to give yourself and sell yourself for that!?!?!
Girl, I am so done with you that I really don’t want to answer your letter, but I feel there are so many women out there who are like you who want to have a pity party where you’re the victims of unrequited love. If you’re giving 100% of yourself to someone who is only giving you 45% of themselves, then, darling, you truly don’t know math and are truly a bird. You should never make someone a priority when they make you an option.
You say you can’t let go, but, sweetie, yes you can. The truth is you don’t want to let go. Chile, I swear you silly broads don’t read or comprehend common sense language, or reality. Your life is a series of your own unfortunate creation. Yes, bird brain, your so-called wall you’ve built and this affinity for attracting men in relationships is because you are what you attract. Duh! It’s the law of the universe. What you put out, you get in return. If you think you don’t deserve greatness, worthiness, happiness, pure love, joy, and monogamy, then guess what you will get? Yup, you get what you got!
Here is your statement from your letter, “I never ask for money, never ask for him to take me out, hell, I don’t want nothing from him. Nothing, but his love and time.” If you don’t want nothing, then guess what you will get? Absolutely nothing! The universe responds to what you say. You’re getting exactly what you’re asking for. And, stop being delusional talking about you have amazing chemistry. You really are stuck on stupid. I’m going to enroll you in special ed. classes immediately.
But, you know what, I know what really happened. It’s generally the case with most jump-offs and side pieces. You see what he is doing for the main girl, and you want those benefits. He’s taking her out to restaurants, movies, events, and gatherings and you feel you should be there. Whenever he calls, you jump to his beckon call. That’s because you don’t have a life and you sit at home awaiting his call or text. However, you can only call or text him at certain times, hours, and days. If he needs you to run an errand for him, you happily oblige. When he complains about his girl, you give him an attentive ear, listening for ways to not be like her, and you tell him that you won’t be like her. So, you stroke his ego, and make him feel good about himself. All the while, he is dumping all of his drama, stress, and aggression on you, and yes, you love taking it in because you feel you are being supportive and nurturing and loving. And, you think and feel that one day he is going to drop his girl and run into your loving awaiting arms. That’s your role as a jump-off and side piece. LMBAO!
You are worth so much more, but you will give your body, mind, and mental space away to someone who could care less about you, and unfortunately, you are no better than a prostitute, or a hooker selling yourself for some time with some other woman’s man. SMDH!
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