I’m a long time reader of your advice column and I used to always laugh at how silly some of the people who wrote you were to me. I swore they were either fake or just plain old fools. Used to. Now, I guess I’m no better than they are. This letter is 100% real, from the heart, and I really need you to tell me what to do next because I’m at the end of my rope.
I’ve started dating a colleague about two years ago. We’re both in separate relationships. He is the first and only man I’ve ever cheated with and will never again for the rest of my life deal with a man in a relationship, or cheat on my partner, EVER!
At first, I felt so guilty because we were just friends. But, to be honest, I had so many problems in my relationship that at the time we crossed the line and became more than friends it just seemed a lot easier to start sleeping with him than actually work on my relationship.
All was fine and good at first. He showered me with affection, attention, time, gifts and the best sex I’ve ever had. Then his calls and emails started becoming less and less. I knew he was seeing other women and I suspected they worked with us too although he never admitted it. I couldn’t take seeing him at work every day so I changed jobs, but we continued seeing each other every chance we could, for a while. Fed up, I’d repeatedly try to break it off. And, I mean that I’ve tried to break up with him more than 10 times, but he always comes back, we sleep together, and then I feel like an idiot again. The final straw for me was realizing that he’s seeing other women and telling me the same lies I heard him tell his girlfriend when we worked together.
He used to tell me he loved me and wanted to be with me, and how beautiful I was. But, when I looked on Facebook there are all these pictures of him and his girlfriend and his family all out on vacations, hugging and smiling, and looking all happily ever after and lovey-dovey. I even told him I would leave my boyfriend for him, but he obviously does not want that. I guess he just wanted the sex. I was so blinded by love that his girlfriend found out about me, but he called her on his cell phone when we were together one day and I actually lied and told her that I was not sleeping with him and we were only friends. It was all lies.
I can’t take it anymore and feel like I will have an emotional breakdown if I don’t get off this rollercoaster ride. So, I’ve decided to confess and tell his girlfriend everything hoping this will finally get him out of my life once and for all. I looked up her email address online and I’m ready to confess the truth. But, the kicker is I’m not ready to tell my boyfriend anything and hope he never finds out about my affair. Am I wrong for doing this?
You and this letter! I….am…..at…..a….loss….for….words. This takes trifling to a whole other level. I can’t believe you wrote in and said you’re having an affair, and you’re upset, angry, and confused about the man you’re sleeping with and how he’s sleeping with other women, including his girlfriend, and because he’s being the hoe that he is and you’re the side chick to the side chicks, you want to reveal everything and tell his girlfriend, but not tell your boyfriend? Huh? Really! Really? The d**k must truly got you addicted because this is what happens when you’re stuck on d**k and some man blowing out your back.
First, you’re wrong for sleeping with a colleague. I don’t care how close you are, and the friendship you had with him. NEVER EVER SLEEP WITH A COLLEAGUE. Look at your situation and what has resulted: You’re sleeping with him, and then you discover he is also sleeping with other women on your job. And, then your a** change jobs because you couldn’t take seeing him in the office. Sweetie, he is still doing the same -ish. Nothing changed just because you left. Hell, you made the situation better for him by you leaving. SMDH! And, on top of it all you continued sleeping with him. So, what did leaving your job resolve? I swear some of you don’t think or don’t have half the common sense you claim you have.
Look, the real resolution to all of this is to sit with your boyfriend and confess to him what you’ve been doing for the past two years. For once, be honest with him, and yourself. Instead of trying to hide it from him, tell the truth, and see how you can work on your relationship instead of trying to destroy someone else’s (which you are a contributing factor in doing already). KMT