Thursday, 4 July 2013

Dear Belarich: My Ex Wants Me Back But I Don't Know How to Tell Him "He Didn't Satisfy Me in Bed"

Dear Belarich,
I broke up with my ex well over a year ago; and we are both in our 20’s. It wasn’t a messy break up; we basically drifted apart and went our separate ways. One of the reasons I started to drift away from him was that while he pursued me, he went above and beyond to get my attention and “make me his.” About 7 months after he “got” me, his efforts to “keep me” began to slack off to the point where I started to feel like perhaps he was seeing someone else. I didn’t really care about that, though, because by this point, I wanted him to leave me alone (you’ll understand why in a minute), so I let the drifting apart continue and we eventually stopped contacting each other totally.
Well, lo and behold, he’s started calling/texting me again. After not responding back at first, I decided to say hi via text because honestly, he’s a nice guy, we had loads of fun together (except for the problem I’m about to mention) and I wouldn’t mind us hanging out on a platonic level, but he wants more and here’s where the problem comes in.
During the time we were together, his sex was WACK. And I hate to say it like that, but it is what it is. When we talked before dating, I hadn’t been with anyone sexually in over a year, so by the time we had dated for about 2 months, my glands were ready to see if what he kept talking about in regard to his skills was true, and oh my goodness!!! It wasn’t. Continue...

I tried introducing things into the mix–nothing freaky because I just wanted to see if he was at least good with the basics. He was fine with me showing him how to keep me “revved up”, but after that, I didn’t expect to have to show him all of the time, but that’s what it turned into. Everything else between us was alright; not perfect, of course, but I couldn’t get past this issue right here because it seemed like the sex part of the relationship was more for his pleasure and not for both of us.
Now that he’s starting to bark up my tree again, I want to relay to him that we will not be dating like that again and why. I’ve already expressed that I didn’t want to date him again, but along with repeated invitations to dinner and drinks that I keep declining, he keeps pushing me for a reason why I don’t want to date him again-which is totally understandable. But how in the world do I tell this man that he does not satisfy me sexually without crushing his ego? I don’t want to be mean; I just want a way to relay this to him without hurting his feelings; which may be too much to ask for. Any suggestions?
Interesting! My question to you is if you wanted him to leave you alone, then why did you answer his text? Why did you start this communication up with him again? If you weren’t friends before you started dating, then why do you think you can be ‘platonic’ friends now? That doesn’t make sense. It was a 7-month relationship that fizzled out faster than it started.

Ma’am, don’t go back. He’s an ex for a reason. And, you’re smart and savvy enough to know why he’s an ex. So, stop entertaining him, and playing with this man! Ugh! But, the real truth is that you like him chasing after you. You like him pursuing you, begging you, and running behind you. You are enjoying this attention because I’m sure he is the only man giving you any attention right about now. So, because you have nothing else to do, or better yet, you have no one else occupying your time and slaying your walls, you’re entertaining your ex!

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