Bela's Corner: Who is a Friend

She's back!!! Forgive my sabbatical *covers face*...

I've been meaning to ask this question for some time now, probably because of the unrealistic expectations placed on friendship. So, I need your opinion on this, who truly is a friend and what role is a friend expected to play in one's life?!

Bela's Corner: Can a Husband Rape His Wife?

Happy New Year everyone! This is technically my first post this year, and it centres around a very sensitive topic most married couples are afraid to discuss, particularly in Africa. We have read cases about 'Rape' and what constitutes 'Rape'. So, my question to you today is, "can a husband rape his wife, or rather, can a forceful sexual intercourse between a married couple be considered "Rape"?...Do leave your comments below and thanks for the love.

Question: What Makes A Woman Wife Material?!

Culled from MommyNoire.com

I've spoken with several men of all ages, races and backgrounds and oddly--or obviously--enough, they typically want the same thing in a wife. The key word here is wife. As one guy put it: "There are some things that you like because they're exciting and fancy but that doesn't mean you want to keep them forever..." He went on to use this analogy: "Just because you are dying to rent the red sports car doesn't mean you want to own it." So, when it comes to wives--the woman a man chooses to be worthy of his last name--there are a few things most men (over 90 percent!) look for. On a recent episode of R.E.A.L. Single Wives TV, Charlie Ervin shared three characteristics of a woman who's wife material:

Bela's Corner: Dealing With Financial Abuse in a Relationship

Most people experience different forms of abuse in relationships and regardless of the extent of the abuse, it's best to seek help, instead of hiding under the umbrella of "s/he will change" or "s/he still loves me". Financial Abuse is the most common form of abuse in Africa and it usually serves as one link to the chain of physical or emotional abuse already present in the relationship. The National Network to End Domestic Violence stated in an article that “the forms of financial abuse may be subtle or overt but in general, include tactics to limit the partner’s access to assets or conceal information and accessibility to the family finances.” Continue

Bela's Corner: Can One Be In Love With Two People?

As someone who uses and appreciates social media, I must say that the memes that folks in my feed post daily usually amuse me. However, there are some that also enlighten, or simply make me think. One that I read recently said “If you find yourself having to choose between two people who you love, choose the second one, because if you were in love with the first one, you never would have fallen for the second.” While that seems to make sense, I can’t help but wonder if a person should choose either – because are you really in love if you have to choose?

Question: Should He Defend You Against His Mother?

Ladies, imagine a situation where your soon-to-be mother-in-law doesn't like you, and she has made it very clear that you are a threat to her relationship with her son. If an argument ensued between you

Bela's Corner: Breakup Commandment To Live By...

Thou shalt not do any of this when it’s over or you’ll find yourself in relationship purgatory

1. Thou Shall not drunk dial i.e don't call when you're drunk.
2. Thou shall not backslide; no going back cos you're afraid to start all over.
3. Thou shall not vent on facebook or any social network.
4. Thou shall not be "just a friend" cos trust me you don't want to hear about your replacement.
5. Thou shall not rebound cos you will be emotionally needy.
6. Thou shalt not eat your feelings instead work it off.
7. Thou shalt not air your ex's dirty laundry
8. Thou shalt not get revenge
9. Thou shalt get BUSY.
10. Thou shall not frustrate your friends with the breakup details.
11. Thou shall not put all the blame on your ex.
12. Thou shall not pretend you're fine.
13. Thou shall not give up on LOVE.

Bela's Corner: Handling Insecurities in Your Relationship

Via Single Black Male

When you find the one you feel like you’ve been waiting for all your life, it’s not surprising that you’d want to hold on tight. Your relationship is something that should be cherished, and you’re likely wary of anything that could harm it or take it away from you. But sometimes, the person in the relationship can be so concerned with keeping the relationship, that they actually begin harming it.

It can also be difficult to stay positive about finding love amid reports about how often people commit infidelity. Just recently, AdamEve.com shared survey results indicating that one in every three people admit to cheating in relationships. So, again, how does one stay positive here? But then there’s also this question: At what point do normal insecurities become too much?Continue

Bela's Corner: Should A Man Love A Woman More In A Relationship?

In recent times, you get to hear ladies say "I want a man that would love me more than i love him" but then it poses the question of "What do you measure love with?". None of us are strangers to relationships in which we may have given more than the other person. To ever say that one person should love one more than the other only speaks to a paranoia we have. We have a paranoia of not wanting to experience that hurt again. In that mindset, we formulate defensive schemes like this. Either we think of it ourselves, or our elders lend their two cents on the issue. Regardless of the source, this idea comes from a place where maybe too much thinking is going on. Sometimes it does pay to experience new relationships in the moment. Give new experiences a fair chance. It’s the only way to remain fair to your partner.

For example, if you ask a happily married couple who loved who more, they wouldn’t have an answer. I know what it is to be in love. At no time while being in love did I have a chance to think if I loved my man more than he loved me. It was irrelevant. I simply knew I loved and that I loved as hard as I knew how to. For a woman to say that a man should love her more says to me that she’s pulling back, vice versa.

Bela's Corner: When Out On A Date With Your Spouse, Who Is To Pay For Dinner?

Hello y'all, I'm back again with my questions...When it comes to dating, men are still expected to pick up the check even in 2013. Well, this question led to a serious debate as to who is to pay when a guy take a girl out. Some guys insisted that a girl should pay for at least 2 date nights out of 5. Personally, I think it's absurd to expect a girl to pay for dinner. If she offers to pay, that's different, but if you are expecting her to pay for dinner, then you are less than a man *simple*. And it's usually the broke guys that expect a girl to pay for dinner *BME*. What do y'all think? Should a girl be expected to pay for dinner on a date? Continue to see the research on this topic....